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Laxh*le Parent Sightings
In Laxhole Forum
Oct 31, 2020
My favorite Lax Hole parent is the one called the "shopper." These are the parents who are certain that the coach does not recognize the inherent genius and natural athletic prowess of their little prince or princess. Not enough playing time, time to go shopping. A bit of needed coaching, time to go shopping. Pushed a little hard at practice, time to go shopping. Didn't make the Black Team, time to go shopping. Asked to play defense or attack, time to go shopping. The defining characteristic of the Shopper Lax Hole is the number of clubs their kid has played for. These poor kids have swag from every club in the area and are reminded of how their parents have put them through the walk of shame every time they open their dresser drawer and see jerseys from every club in a 20-mile radius. If your home address hasn't changed but you kid has played on more than 3 clubs, you guessed it, you are a lax hole shopper. In the extreme case, the lax hole shopper can be identified by the number of burned bridges in their wake as they move from club to club. The bridge is usually burned in the parking lot at a tournament when the parent can no longer abide the slight to their prince/ess and decides to point out to the gross stupidity of the coach for not giving their kid enough playing time. At this point, the parent is unfettered because they have already signed up for tryouts with 5 teams in three surrounding counties. There can be a great deal of stress on the shoppers as the list of clubs they are no longer welcome at grows and the list of available clubs shrinks. This immutable fact can sometimes ameliorate the shoppers behavior, but will never fully reform them as long as there is at one club to which they can move their athlete. The shopper's kids aren't so much contributors to the team as they are mere tourists. These parents usually meet their match when their kids enter high school and they realize that they can't very easily pick their kid up and move them to a new school because the little prince/ess doesn't get enough playing time as a freshman. That doesn't stop the parents from sending an ill-conceived email to the coach about how their kid should be in the starting lineup...because, well, they are Lax Holes.
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