You have waited for someone in the parking lot after the game, or have hurried to the car to avoid that guy you just mouthed off to You have awkwardly sat two rows behind a parent at a concert who you had a heated altercation with at a game that weekend You missed filming your kid's big goal because you were jawing at the ref or other team's parents You have requested a meeting with a coach to discuss: a) your kid's future with the team, b) their amount of playtime, c) their position on the depth chart, d) how the other players can support your star better 5. You frequently imagine a joystick in your hand trying feverishly to control the game 6. You checked the safety of: A. using a shock collar on your kid (just on the ankle) to get their attention B. Or in-helmet speakers, or walkie-talkies, or texting the coach 7. You have used the team's code words when commenting on the game ---such as "Maryland" "Purple Jeremy with Ice" "Hobart on Cody in 3", "Army/Ajax/Alabama" or just "Middie Back!" 8. The coach calling "Yellow" makes you twitch, or drink a shot if you are watching from home 9. Your kid looks over at you after a bad play, or avoids looking at you "because they know" 10. You yell advice to your kid while they are playing, and other parents shake their heads (even if you don't see it) 11. You don't need to look up the rules for: ward, slash, offsides, shooting lanes, illegal procedures. 12. You certainly don't believe retaliation should be penalized 13. Your favorite Movie Quote "They pull a short stick, you pull a long pole. They put one of your players in the trainer's tent, you put one of their in the morgue." The Uncrustables 14. You draw up multi-page charts to figure out the tie-breakers before the tournament is announced 15. You ask for birth certificates or birth years when the tall kids come to play 16. You've questioned whether the referee: A. Has relatives in the game B. Has been paid off by the coach C. Is being paid too much (especially the volunteers) D. Needs new glasses, eye surgery, binoculars 17. You have called a player names with no cool irony ("dirty" meaning dirty, "nasty" meaning nasty) 18. Every night is film night 19. You refuse to clap when THAT kid gets hurt 20. Your sideline celebration is louder than your kid's when they score, save or check 21. That means you, man doing soccer slides and pretending to tear his shirt open like Superman 22. You know which refs are at the game by the cars in the parking lot 23. BOTC called, and they want you to stop posting, just stop 24. You use shooter strings to floss the 10 teeth you have left from grinding them all the time 25. The family intervention has happened, stating: "(Honey/Dad/Mom), we think you have a problem" and we would like you to start a blog

Lacrosse parents are always looking for the next great thing---better gear, more successful team, and certainly better coaching. We send our players to speed and agility, strength, stick skills and shooting with the idea of becoming DI/3 athletes. Specialty players have it extra rough since they need to keep up with the latest techniques, rules and field players getting bigger and faster. Goalies, face off kids, and attackmen are always refining specific skills. Other sports have them too---the long snappers and punters, pitchers and catchers, and surely goalies of hockey and soccer. Each sport has created a niche market of specialty coaches who have taken their pedigrees to the market. Outside of hard work, is there any lacrosse kung fu that is superior to the rest? What happens then when a Coach associated with teams starts to pressure players to take their clinics? And what if there is a subtle suggestion that lack of clinic time will limit their play time in games and tournaments. We know of one club owner in our area that was fired from a high school job for just this reason. Ten years later, its the reason the school uses not to be aligned with any of the club teams, especially his. One of the specialty coaches, new to the area, has been making waves. He came carpetbagging down from the Northeast, with the self-promotion of being responsible for getting some well-known players into D1 programs. Several of these players had done years of clinics with others, so in retrospect, not sure this was entirely the case. I envision a long relay race where a runner bulls his way in 50 yards from the finish line and takes credit for winning the race. He gossips incessantly to the kids about other players, and is frequently caught in half-truths. The final straw was his comment to one of the kids that he charges them differently than other players because "most of the parents in the area are rich enough to afford it, and too stupid to catch on anytime soon." When I finally asked my son what he learned from the coach, he couldn't say, and after some thought admitted nothing. The coach literally was charging a lot of money for group sessions with players where they took reps, but there was no actual feedback or comments. He still pressures my son and other players on his teams to attend these less worthwhile sessions for more than other coaches charge for individual sessions. Suckers. How do we know if the sessions are creating any real value? We are expecting some steady results from coaches, not just regurgitated YouTube stuff. Does a shooter do a session or two and then hit the next few shots he previously would have missed? Can you see a noticeable difference in a goalie's save percentages? We sent our son to a speed and agility clinic and he came back running faster after two sessions---seriously. Told us that Dad was a poor running coach (which we already knew). I think this is probably an exception to the norm. Then there are the clinics that go on for months with no seeming benefit, but the fundamentals are so good that you know that they are good habits. This brings me to our latest coaching experiences---which have been great. We have decided that coaches who are passionate about their craft, who have a strong philosophy of their view of the sport---their brand of lacrosse kung fu, so to speak, have something to offer. It also helps when the coaches have clearly thought through the position they are coaching for its relevance and can tailor the experience for the individual player. They all have fans and haters, mostly from their style and approach to working with kids. It's also a training business, so we need to keep that in perspective. We all have the option to vote with our feet, literally. But to help others, we will need to spread the word on coaching good and not so much.

Sorry for the hiatus. Not too much bad parenting behavior over the winter except for the celebration of hits in box lacrosse. Nothing like prison ball boarding to crack collar bones. We are just past primary private high school recruiting season with most schools. Lots of drama there. Spring league lacrosse for high schools, elite and AAA leagues as well as rec have brought out laxhole feelings and behaviors that have been stewing like chili for the past six months. Masks are coming off, if they were ever on for some parents, and the feeling of liberation and freedom of expression is in the air. Referees have new rules to follow, or not, and from the comments, they have not updated their prescriptions. Shot clocks are popping up for the younger folks which is exciting, and stressful. Story of the week: A viral video feeds the flames of jealousy. A great young attackman has a play worthy of highlights----starting at X, he fakes a pass to the cutter that was so good, it took in everyone. The defender turns toward the cutter and the attackman casually jogs in for a lay-up. One of other "quiet camera" parents shares it, so it's not a brag video from the player or from his dad. The club picks up the video and posts it on their Instagram feed. It's picked up from then to thousands of views and likes. Good publicity for the club and the kid. Show it at his draft party for college. And then it happens, the text from a laxhole parent of a teammate to the player's dad complaining that HER son taught the move to HIS son, and its disrespectful that he should get all the notice and credit. The dad was clearly shocked because he neither recorded it or shared it. But wait, there's more. At the next practice, the OTHER parent of the teammate approaches the dad and asks him to step away so they can chat. The dad thinks, hey, this parent is clearly going to apologize for the other parent going over the line. But no, this parent doubles down and wants to make it clear that they really want an apology and a sharing of the credit publicly. That the dad should do the right thing. That is really wasn't cool and they weren't being good teammates. Wow. Every crop of lacrosse players probably think they invented the "fake pass" trick. If done well, it is a thing of beauty and will bring a smile to your face. Really, it was invented many generations of 19-year cicadas ago. I think it was in the American Pie lacrosse scene. My guess is that its as old as the game. The real lesson is that Laxholes should search "fake pass trick" which will show hundreds of videos, and then hit delete before sending...

I have heard that the Girl's Lacrosse world has a whole other level of poor behavior that isn't quite the same as on the Boy's side. This makes sense from what I've experienced. Not having daughters, I find the Women's game difficult to follow but fantastic to watch. My one run-in with the Girls world was during a business coffee of all things. I had spent the prior evening listening to a discussion between girls' lax parents after try-out season had ended. The person I was having coffee had a daughter who played for a well-known club, and I figured it would be a good ice breaker. "So, what is the deal with the girl's tryouts this year? I heard that there was a big mystery since none of the girls wore numbers on their try-out pinnies...." The rumor was of course that the team was wired for the existing players and that the coach might have one or two in mind, but for the rest of the attendees, it was just an exercise in futility. Instead of the "Yeah, that is so weird..." response that I expected, the temperature dropped 20 degrees and the person announced that they were a Parent Organizer/Manager and that there "was no mystery, just some confusion with pinnies, and who did you hear this from?" Never going to reveal my sources, and clearly it was a big deal. Needless to say, the coffee ended early, and I learned a valuable lesson or two. Having seen baloney tryouts on the boys' side, it was completely believable that a team on the girls' side could do the same. If anything, it adds to the exclusivity of the experience. If your child isn't spectacular enough for us to want to find out her real name, well, then you are wasting your time here today. Beyond that, and the occasional comments on shooting space, helmets making girls more contact-prone, and the debate on whether girls goalies should kneel into low shots, I've not paid as much attention as I should. Let me know if you have any good parent, coach or player stories that you would like to share here.

In this section, you can report the best (and worst) behaviors from recent practices, clinics, games, and tournaments.

In this section, you can discuss and share any over-the-top coach behavior that caused a stir. Not your typical "he's a screamer" please. That is what we pay extra for.

Big believer that players model parents---my sports parenting has been shared. Ref Complaints? Coach unfair? Are we seeing our habits passed along?